Friday, January 17, 2014

Week 14: Advent Was Supposed to Be for Fasting

When we became Catholic, I learned that Advent - approximately four weeks before Christmas day - are supposed to be a time for penance. Almost like Lent, except not that serious. But it's the same liturgical color (purple) and everything! Fasting and almsgiving and preparatory prayers are recommended the same way they are in preparation for Easter.

So this year, I made firm my resolve to abide by the eating habits I laid out a few weeks ago: eat only at regular meal times, normal portions, and when my blood sugar is low. No snacking without a strict need.

Talk about best-laid plans sometimes failing. Or a lot of times failing. I don't know *what* happened, by my lows got really bad over the last few weeks. I have been ping-ponging all over the place. And besides that, I've just been so hungry that I'm eating at all the wrong times. And ugh...all the slow weight gain I was trying to achieve, for the sake of my health and the baby's, exploded from 3 pounds up to 10 pounds when I last stepped on the scale. (I haven't been able to bring myself to do it since).

I have learned a lot about Divine Mercy in the last few years, and God continues to teach me. Failure, in the face of our best efforts, is so painful. Trust in mercy, trust in the Goodness of The Plan, trust in the face of uncertainty and pain is so hard! I am so afraid of and overwhelmed by failure. Each day, the hardest thing I do is resolve to try again, trust in His help, not fear His anger. And so I do. Because caving in to the fear is no way to live.

What do you do when you've failed with your blood sugars and you're afraid to fail again? How do you shore up your resolve to do better next time?