Week 14: Advent Was Supposed to Be for Fasting

When we became Catholic, I learned that Advent - approximately four weeks before Christmas day - are supposed to be a time for penance. Almost like Lent, except not that serious. But it's the same liturgical color (purple) and everything! Fasting and almsgiving and preparatory prayers are recommended the same way they are in preparation for Easter.

So this year, I made firm my resolve to abide by the eating habits I laid out a few weeks ago: eat only at regular meal times, normal portions, and when my blood sugar is low. No snacking without a strict need.

Talk about best-laid plans sometimes failing. Or a lot of times failing. I don't know *what* happened, by my lows got really bad over the last few weeks. I have been ping-ponging all over the place. And besides that, I've just been so hungry that I'm eating at all the wrong times. And ugh...all the slow weight gain I was trying to achieve, for the sake of my health and the baby's, exploded from 3 pounds up to 10 pounds when I last stepped on the scale. (I haven't been able to bring myself to do it since).

I have learned a lot about Divine Mercy in the last few years, and God continues to teach me. Failure, in the face of our best efforts, is so painful. Trust in mercy, trust in the Goodness of The Plan, trust in the face of uncertainty and pain is so hard! I am so afraid of and overwhelmed by failure. Each day, the hardest thing I do is resolve to try again, trust in His help, not fear His anger. And so I do. Because caving in to the fear is no way to live.

What do you do when you've failed with your blood sugars and you're afraid to fail again? How do you shore up your resolve to do better next time?

Week 10: Hunger

Morning sickness drags on, but my blood sugars have (mercifully) been very normal. Somehow, they always seem to be even a bit more even-keel during the first trimester. This is either a special grace of God, or a result of changes in my eating habits. Or perhaps both.

As for changes in my eating habits, this pregnancy, I will basically try to do the same thing I did last time: Eat at regular meal times and only at other times when my blood sugar is low. Low blood sugars happen surprisingly frequently during pregnancy, with tight control over my blood sugars, so this really shouldn't be too much of a problem. And yet, I become like a little baby when I feel the weakness of even mild hunger! This weakness strikes about 2 hours after eating, whether my blood sugars are low or not. If I can push past it to 3 hours past eating, I can usually make it to the next meal time without hearing too much feedback from my body.

When I was pregnant with my first son, I was under the tutelage of people who assumed that, whenever you are pregnant and hungry, you should eat. This might be true, if I were willing to eat carrots or celery at these times. But instead, I would eat rich foods, thinking, "if I can't do it during pregnancy, when can I?"

In reflection, I think this was actually a bad idea. I gained 50+ pounds with my first son. He was a modest size, but it was hard to lose the weight, and I was very uncomfortable by the end of that pregnancy. I gained a similar amount of weight with my second son, and he was not in any danger of being too small at birth. This was all well and good, but then I noticed that babies tend to get bigger with subsequent pregnancies. Since I knew my doctors would not be too keen on my having a 10 pound baby (even though I wasn't especially worried), I decided I needed to rein it in a bit.

With my third pregnancy, I worked hard, and kept my weight gain to about 35 pounds. Voila! Healthy, 8 lb 5 oz baby, not too big, not too small. So that's what we're shooting for this time, too.